How to explain The Pain? I rarely write when I am actually in pain (not that I even could write during the worst of it). I suspect that most others may be like me as well. This means that only those who live with the pain and those closest to us have any idea about it. It also means that as soon as it is over I start to downplay it to myself. Just a few weeks ago I had re-convinced myself that it was only the inability to think/remember etc. that really mattered. I could deal perfectly well with a few days of pain each month and a few weeks of what doesn’t even deserve to be called “pain” in comparison to those days.
Yet here I am, once more in it. It hurts. It just hurts.
In a week or so I will think that I must have been fine. After all, I somehow made it to work and even took my exam. But right now, in these moments, I can see how very wrong it is. I can see all of the drastic little changes I make in order to compensate. I can see how pointless it is.